HarperCollins Speakers Bureau

Justin Halpern

New York Times Best-selling Author, Television Writer, and Twitter Sensation


  • The Sh*t My Dad Says Story
  • I Suck at Girls: What I've Learned About Women
  • Mastering Social Media
  • Writing for Television



"Justin Halpern is brilliant, and his dad is brilliant-er."
-- Jimmy Kimmel

Justin Halpern is the #1 New York Times best-selling author of the blockbuster Sh*t My Dad Says (It Books), a TV writer/producer for the CBS sitcoms How to Be a Gentleman and $#*! My Dad Says, and the author of the hugely popular Twitter feed shitmydadsays, an internet sensation that boasts over four million followers on Twitter and Facebook. His latest memoir, I Suck at Girls (It Books), recounts Halpern's hilarious attempts to understand the world of women, culminating in him proposing to his wife, Amanda. A pop culture phenomenon, Halpern is an ideal speaker at colleges and universities, libraries, arts and lectures series, and select corporate events.

Sh*t My Dad Says is a memoir of an often-hilarious and always-loving relationship between father and son. Full of universal truths that other parents may have sugar-coated, Halpern's essays, coupled with his dad's aphorisms, follows the pair from Little League through post-college poverty - offering advice all audiences benefit from and a story as heartwarming as it is entertaining. The book spent eleven weeks at #1 on the New York Times best-seller list and has been translated into over 20 languages.

The day before Halpern proposed to his wife, he told his father what he was about to do. In typical fashion, his dad was unimpressed by this life-changing decision: "You've been dating her four years; it ain't like you invented a parallel fucking universe." But his dad could tell Halpern was nervous and needed a push, so he gave him some advice - to take an entire day, go off somewhere on his own, think about all the things he'd learned about women, relationships, and himself, and make an "educated guess" as to whether this was the right decision. Halpern followed his dad's advice, and at the end of the day, decided that he wanted to not only go ahead and put that ring on Amanda's finger, but also that the events and people he recalled during his trip down memory lane would be a really funny subject for his next book.

Halpern's journey through his past, featured in his "I Suck at Girls" talks, includes:

  • His fear, as a nine-year-old, that on his wedding night not only would his wife see him naked, but also that he would be obligated to have sex with her.
  • Being the last of his friends to lose his virginity at age 20, while being the dishwasher at Hooters.
  • Taking a trip to Europe in hopes that maybe women were easier to talk to overseas, only to find that the only people he could carry on a conversation with were an Asian man who wore all denim and a one-ankled 80-year-old obsessed with John F. Kennedy.

Halpern is recently married to his wonderful wife, Amanda, and splits his time between Los Angeles and San Diego.

Praise for I Suck at Girls:

". . . his sophomore effort I Suck at Girls, a collection of essays, leaves no question about his writing talent. Halpern is a comic genius who perfected the art of crafting succinct descriptive narrative through his daily practice of drafting 140-character tweets."
-- San Diego Union Tribune

"A terrifically entertaining memoir that begs for a turn on the screen."
-- Publishers Weekly

Praise for Sh*t My Dad Says:

"Sh*t My Dad Says is f______ great . . . Very funny, very irreverent, very real. It's refreshing at a time when we're all choking to death on political correctness and can go for days without meeting a single person with common sense."
-- Janet Evanovich, Time Magazine

"This book is ridiculously hilarious, and makes my father look like a normal member of society."
-- Chelsea Handler

"Shoot-beer-out-your-nose funny."
-- Maxim

"A fun gift book that is bound to crack up anyone who flips through it."
-- Los Angeles Times

"If you're wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud 'yes'."
-- Christian Lander, New York Times best-selling author of Stuff White People Like

"Read this unless you're allergic to laughing."
-- Kristen Bell

"Justin Halpern tosses lightning bolts of laughter out of his pocket like he is shooting dice in a back alley. In one sweep of a paragraph, he ranges from hysterical to disgusting to touching -- and does it all seamlessly. Sh*t My Dad Says is a really, really funny book."
-- Laurie Notaro, New York Times best-selling author of The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club

"Justin Halpern's dad is up there with Aristotle and Winston F*cking Churchill. He's brilliant, and his son's book is absolutely hilarious."
-- A.J. Jacobs, New York Times best-selling author of The Know-It-All


Photo by Matt Hoyle